Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Ladies And Gentlemen I Return!

This is a post as much to say sorry more than anything else. Mostly through pure laziness I did not return when I stated the other week.

One: The new company put my start date back a week (meant I had no contact with the web).

Two: The fact I have no access to the web at home yet means I am doing this in the public library. (which of course neccesatates a walk into town, why get out of the sofa when all I realy need is there?)

Three: I have really done so little over the last few weeks i had nothing to say.

I hope that (having finnished the prequiste two week brain washing that the new company call "training") I will be more than able to abuse their systems to once again publish my bile on a regular basis.

It is nearly 13:30hrs here. In half an hour I must appear in court to try and covince a judge to not let my fascist mortgage company take my house (spit on them, and all their children, and all their children's children). Hopefully I will be able to purchase another half hour to regale you with the events after the fact.

This post is just ot state rumours of my recent demise were highly exagerated.

Simon on a flying visit.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

And Here We Are Again!

I've finally reached one of my favourite numbers at last.

Technorati Tag: , , , , , , Pagan, .

Kalashnikov Party!

To be completely honest with you I have had a pretty rant free few weeks. This is mainly because the stress and tension has pushed me to new limits. In my terms that means I have had a couple of instances when I have not been amused (slight loss of sense of humour). In other peoples terms this is the sort of point one would be running up and down the high street with a kalashnikov. One of my favourite fantasies actually.
“Burberry, I hate bloody Burberry!” Daga, daga, daga, dag!
“And you look at me funny every bloody morning!” Daga, daga, daga, dag!
“Put the bloody mobile phone down now!” Daga, daga, daga, dag!
“No that tee shirt is not clever, nor is it funny!” Daga, daga, daga, dag!
“Shell suit! Shell suit! You deserve no better!” Daga, daga, daga, dag!
“It’s a pedestrian bloody precinct! Get off the bloody bike you twat!” Daga, daga, daga, dag!
Actually I can’t decide if I prefer kalashnikov or Uzi as my weapon of choice (Here I would like to just mention the idiocy of the web-filtering program for “The Castle”. I cannot access the kalashnikov site from work “The Websense category "Weapons" is filtered.” But can easily get onto the Uzi site without any problem, arseholes).

I complete my contract with The Castle this Friday. I am in the process of documenting all of my spreadsheets, etc, so the person who is taking over from me (who when they joined the department could not even cut and paste in excel, but must have interviewed really well, because I didn’t get the job, because I interviewed poorly) can have my skill set, which is odd because as they got the job and I didn’t they must have a better skill set than I (anyone detect a vain of frustration and bitterness here?). Daga, daga, daga, dag! Boooooooom!

Having spent the last year or two attending interviews (even for the council here) and not getting anywhere (or anything, jobwise that is), I am taking a week off (that’s not necessarily by choice) then joining a company that specialises in call centres for all sorts of people (as a technical liaison between a helpdesk and their suppliers). So the airwaves are likely to be quiet from this agent for a few weeks.

Though I may have to join the local library to keep this updated.

My court appearance to battle my mortgage company for possession of my house (Daga, daga, daga, dag!) is at the end of the month. I spent all last week waiting to hear from my financial advisors (read debt advisors there). Who when they eventually talked to me seemed to be disconcertingly laid back about the whole process (“shit, should I be packing my goods and chattels into boxes in anticipation, or buying a dog to tie with a piece of string to sit next to my hat, or should I be putting the champagne on ice already?").

Sod it, back to the high street Daga, daga, daga, dag! Daga, daga, daga, dag! Daga, daga, daga, dag! Daga, daga, daga, dag!
“F*ck you!” Daga, daga, daga, dag!
“FCUK, spell it properly!” Daga, daga, daga, dag!
“Put that in the bloody bin!” Daga, daga, daga, dag!
"Don't spit your chewing gum out there you retard!" Daga, daga, daga, dag!

“Now the headlines. Today in the United Kingdom, police marksmen had to end the life of a forty one year old male on Portsmouth high street, who had somehow obtained a kalashnikov and was randomly shooting bystanders, whilst screaming obscenities at them!”

Technorati Tag: , , , , kalashnikov, Uzi , Mass Murder, psychotic.